Looking out to the world, we see everything through our own unique glasses, colored with things we feel.
We are fascinated by qualities that we like about ourselves. We are annoyed about qualities that we refuse to see in ourselves – or that we feel jealous about.
What we see in other people is actually something that is energetically active in ourselves. Other people are like mirrors that help us see ourselves more clearly.
Be unhappy with yourself and you will find endless things to improve in other people. Give anything out to the world and it will come back to you in one form or another.
Faces and places change but what you choose to believe in, is what shapes your reality. (A belief is nothing given. It is just a thought you keep thinking.)
When we think that our partner does not value us, we feel awful. If we stick to the thought and it becomes our belief, we soon live in a reality where our partner does not value us. Go on, blame them about this, and the uneasy feeling just gets amplified.
It is such a relief to understand that every time you think a relationship is lacking something, that thing is something you do not give yourself: to the other person and the relationship, or even more often, to yourself.
You cannot feel worthy if you do not value yourself.
And you cannot feel appreciated and loved if your mind is focused on all the things you are disappointed in the other person.
There is no love and appreciation that comes from outside of us. It is always in us. Yet surely, we can feel the magic in others. We have all met people light up the room when they enter, and that light is inspiring and contagious.
However, it is our own ability to love that produces love. That is what feels warm in our chest when we let go of our worries and disappointments for a while, and, rise into love.
(I remember a night in London, after a late dinner and the longest day, we went to sleep in our beautiful hotel room only to wake up after an hour or so because someone had turned on music and there was a party going on.
First reaction: shut up, I want to sleep. But Saku suggested, with a grin, that we should do a loving kindness meditation, which means, that we should just focus on sending the party people our best wishes and imagine what fun times they are having and so on…
As much as I can remember, we slept really well that night.)
It feels good to be kind. It feels good to love.
At the other end of the range of feelings, there is jealousy. It feels suffocating.
Jealousy is one of the single most effective ways to sabotage our happiness and well-being.
What we actually do is that we shout to the universe that we do not have the thing we want (the thing we envy).
And because our reality is nothing more than our inner life reflected back to us from other people and the world, the universe proves our statement right. What we want remains missing. We really do not have and get the thing we envy from others.
Instead, we see more and more people around us possessing and enjoying it. We feel the world is unfair. We feel helpless and angry.
It is only when we are able to honestly wish the very best to other people, when we can feel truly successful ourselves.
So there is no separation between you and I, or we and them. We are all one. What you mostly focus on others is what you will live yourself.
If you applaud success, you will live success. If you spend time dissing others and finding flaws, you will find more and more things to be unhappy with – in yourself, other people, and the world.
To be happy with your life, all things and people do not have to be your favorite. The world is a buffet and nothing is excluded. There will always be things that we love and things that we feel we could do without.
Although we as human beings have done a good job trying to eliminate certain things – be it communism, cancer or love handles – they never really cease to be. Instead, the fight eventually produces more unwanted things to fight against.
This goes to collective attitudes as well as our personal lives.
And yet, hasn’t everyone wise been telling us for millenniums that the key is not to destroy and get rid of what we do not want. But instead, learn to focus on what we do want, and through that focus, create a wonderful life for ourselves and the people around us.
If you do not like what you see, try looking differently.